I’ve had a bit of a wobble.
It feels strange to admit it, but I’m glad it happened. I’m glad I got to cry, and feel vulnerable. Cause sometimes I feel like I’m smiling too much and everything is a bit too perfect when I know it’s not.
Coming out of the strange fleeting depression and anxiety that caused me to be bed bound last night has made me feel… well, literally everything. The wind on my arms as I cycled home. The love I feel for my mother, my brother… my partners. It’s almost too intense. The feelings I have are too intense.
And I welcome it.
Yesterday, K and P came back from their travels. When he came home, he and K ran to each other and dived into each others’ arms. P has been gone for a month. I was so overwhelmed with emotion I nearly started to cry. And then, when they parted, K said “Mieks missed you too.”
And he ran to me and literally engulfed me in his arms and kissed my head and all I could do was try to keep it together. They are my extended family. P is practically like my brother (he and my brother are very similar).
And while it was painful for me to leave the house, let them have time together and go to bed alone I still welcomed it. Because I need to feel it every now and again.
Today I went to see my mom as it’s her birthday. She was so happy, so excited by my present, I found it hard to keep it together again. And now I am home, in my very messy room, and crying like I’ve just won the lottery, watching Swan Queen vids and thanking whatever beautiful energy out there that I’m alive and here right now.