So… today has been a bit of a strange day but I think all the things that happened were supposed to happen.
I spent most of the day crying and processing things and being in pain.
I also spent the majority of the day battling with my anxiety and depression and eventually winning.
Then I managed to walk to K’s house for some tea and pizza and cuddles and suddenly everything was right in the world again. She got me some new plasters for my hand and we watched some TV with P and sent him on a mission to buy easter eggs (THERE WERE NO EASTER EGGS TO BE FOUND ANYWHERE) so we just gotted some chocolate and nommed that instead.
I keep getting dream flashbacks again, but I also think it is helping me prepare for anything that comes my way. It’s a horrible thing to have to be prepared for, but I also can’t shy away from future possibilities. Yes, K has a serious heart problem. Yes her heart stops at night. Yes she could have limited time on this planet.
And today has made me realise that yes, my nightmare from last night could happen. But I should also seize the day by the balls and enjoy as much time with my loved ones as I can. I can and will make plans with K for the future, just like any other couple would.
We want to get a puppy. We want to go to America together and do the Dakotas. We want to go to Malta, Italy… We’re going to Holland. We want to go to Iceland. And we might not do all of these things. We might do all of them.
But I feel like I’m getting more and more prepared for anything that life will throw at me.